A Cog In The Wheel

It is not easy to sum up five months in a premier institute in a small write up. I am not even going to attempt to do that as it would be nothing but folly. What I am going to do is to dive down deep into spaces of my mind and try to capture some figments, some events, some flashes that have stuck with me and probably will be etched brightly in my memory, by the time I am done writing. Why am I doing this? Tonight was one of those few nights, when I felt that smiles were actually genuine, hugs were actually warm and handshakes meant respect. When I saw these happen, my night was done. It was time to leave. I am happy.

Everything appeared fake when I came here at first. From the trees being planted in a row around the campus to the artificially grown grass and even the people around me. There seemed to be a layer of unnecessary social obligation, unwanted courteousness, needless formality everywhere. Deep down all this lacked ingenuity. This troubled me for some time.

But in between, I saw gems that shined in their own way... Everybody has a past. Most of us are not comfortable sharing it with strangers or acquaintances. I met people who soon became acquaintances who rather quickly grew into friends and who now are individuals I have come to respect. It is not their accomplishments, nor their backgrounds, that drew me towards them. It is their willingness to help. Their willingness to be exposed, albeit cautiously to causes they find just. Their readiness to help you when asked for. Their uncanny ability to understand that something is not right with you by just a look or the degree of happiness in your smile.

In this short span of time here, I have fallen in love, been heart broken, felt real anger, overjoyed, accomplished, satisfied, confused and what not. I have felt like loosing myself in the long locks of one of the most gracious women I have ever seen. I have also resigned to the fact that I have to get my priorities straight, else I would get screwed. I have been shouted at for slacking, been cared for when I am sick, been tolerated for my incompetence and also appreciated for my effort.

But my greatest accomplishment till date. I have at least one FRIEND whom at the middle of the night I can call and talk bull shit to in the campus. I have at least one FRIEND, who will find time to teach me subjects which I was too lazy to attend classes or study. I have at least one FRIEND who will walk with me and understand when I want to be silent and when I want to talk. I have at least one FRIEND who will make me smile no matter how down and under I am. I have at least one FRIEND who will invite me over to his place for a drink and a friendly chat. I also have one FRIEND who will keep reminding me what a schmuck I was to choose the wrong relationships and would make me suffer.

What I have come to realize is that comfort and discomfort go hand in hand. So does happiness and sadness. It is how you choose to be in these situations that actually decides the state of your mind and the kind of person you are. My biggest learning till date would be to be thankful for what I have. I am thankful for this opportunity to study in one of the best colleges in the country. I am thankful for getting my ass kicked day in and day out here. I am thankful for this perpetual state of struggle that I find myself in no matter what I do. I am thankful for this alarming level of uncertainty and ambiguity that may well stay with me for the rest of this year.

But most of all, I am thankful for being a cog in a unique wheel, made of these gems of persons who actually make waking up and coming to class worth while and happening. Those beauties who bring a smile on my face just by their mere presence. I am thankful to have such wonderful individuals as my classmates whom I have come to love and respect in this short period of time... time which I know would soon become eternity. 

If the reader feels the same... you are lucky and be thankful

Elections and the Illusion of Change

Somehow, the way people are rejoicing the change in governance in the recently held assembly elections and the way they are celebrating the ‘humiliation’ of Congress in these states reminds me of Duryodhana’s dying words to Bheema, Krishna and Arjuna. While he lies down in pain and agony with Bheema rejoicing on having defeated him, Duryodhana thus replies ‘All through my life, I have enjoyed countless riches, splurged my belongings willfully, enjoyed the company of any woman I wanted and did whatever I felt like. I have defeated and watched the downfall of many of my foes. I have sent you and your brothers to exile whilst I enjoyed your riches and possessions. Why should I feel remorse for dying now O Bheema? I lived my life befitting a Kshatriya, and I die the way a Kshatriya should. I have no regrets whatsoever because I know I will be going to heaven’. True to his words, Duryodhana and all his brothers did go to heaven and were waiting for the Pandavas when finally their time came or so the story goes. Congress now, and any political party on the losing side will have the same arguments as Duryodhana and they are not wrong in arguing so.

The mood after every election whether it be general or assembly is one of triumph of good over evil, the hope that the change that happened is welcome and for good and the feeling that ‘things will change for the better from now on’. The masses very conveniently tend to forget that elections are a 5 year process that has been happening in our country since independence. Now I ask the reader some questions. Has the change in government in any way contributed to the safety of women in our country in the past? Has it contributed to the reduction of cast oppression so rampant in Northern states? Has communalism or the victimization of minorities being reduced? Has the conviction rates of the corrupt, the rapists, the murderers increased in any manner? Other than the flamboyant media reports that surface from time to time on the various news that seems to ‘break’ day in and day out on various scams, has it resulted in any concrete measures to tackle the source of the problems? The biggest question of all does it really matter which political party wins or loses if change does not happen at the grass root level?

They say elections are the only time when the pompous and the poor are equal in the country, as both their votes have the same value. Quite dramatic and fantasizing to think, if you ask me. Utopia is created within a day. But come tomorrow, the pompous continue to be more pompous and the poor becomes poorer than yesterday. Elections are by far the longest ongoing prime time drama this country has seen. The trp ratings and viewership only increases as the time goes. It is a welcome distraction for the masses who supposedly lead ‘mundane’ lives and believe that they have contributed to the welfare of the country by voting the government out of power and installing a new set. This is their idea of contribution towards nation building. Once the hangover is done, they go back to bribing officials to get things done faster in government offices, mistreat their wives and daughters and blame them for all the ill in the family, drink and gamble a majority of their income, curse the minority for spoiling the harmony in the country and barter their daughters off for the ‘best deal’ a groom can offer. The clock has been reset when the masses shall again begin to blame the government for the ‘state of the nation’. Given time the ‘helpless common man’ will point their fingers to those in power for their sorry state. This wheel has been turning since independence and it will keep turning until and unless the ‘common man’ starts taking some responsibility for the ‘current state of the nation’ they lament about so much. The greatest cover up in the history of this country has been to portray the ‘common man’ as helpless and to portray the government as the only source of respite and the sole group responsible for the betterment of the masses.

What the ‘common man’ has to realise is that in such a huge country like India with the second largest, soon to be the largest, population in the world, although the government would love to play the role of policy maker, implementer and the overseer, it is logistically impossible to do so. Ultimately the Government is confined to the role of a policy maker and a service facilitator. Believe it or not, India has all the right policies, in paper, to achieve whatever the ‘common man’ wishes his country to achieve. As long as the ‘common man’ refuses to take the responsibility for the plight of the nation this never ending spiral of blame game will continue.

The first step is always the hardest. The first generation of ‘common men’ who takes a stand will always be martyrs. For every single person who decides to take a stand against the current scenario in the country, a hundred will stand against him/her resisting the change. Change whether good or bad is scary for most people. We are afraid of the unknown. We fear anything we are not comfortable with. We fear everything which we do not understand. This fear forces us to stay in our comfort zone, to believe that the society around us is correct, the herd mentality must be respected and the epitome of social status is to conform to the norms of the society. As a result we train the future generation to think in a way the present society thinks, we frown on same sex, inter cast, inter religious marriages, we stamp down any innovative idea the young kids might have, dismissing them as a ‘lack of maturity’ and train them to believe that the key to a happy life is to have a government job or a software job after studying engineering (irrespective of your branch), then go to America for MBA or MS and then get married to a girl. Any other stream of education, be it arts or science is lower in stature and does not command the same respect as an engineer or doctor does. Your social standing and status is determined by how much you are aligned with this set norm. Unfortunately, the social media, the advertisements and the surrounding environment as a whole is filled with so much idiosyncrasies, that it becomes very difficult to figure out things for yourself. To give you a small example, the beauty products industry survives only because the men and women have this inherent feeling that a fairer complexion is better than being dark skinned. Just imagine the kind of impact that will happen if tomorrow all the young girls and boys decided that they look good as they are, and that they don’t need a fairness cream to feel confident, which by the way is actually true.

Change is inevitable. The manner of change can be controlled to an extent. Personally I believe the biggest vote a person can cast, is to vote for change in his/her personal life. Voting is a decision. Start by voting for a career that gives you personal gratification. Vote for donating to an orphanage or sponsoring the education of a child rather than offering to Gods. Vote for quality over quantity. Above all vote for your happiness rather than the happiness of the herd. Because when you are sad, the herd will not share your grief. They will choose to see what makes them happy.