Last night, my friend and I had a long walk through the deserted streets in our neighborhood. And of course, as usual, we were at our rebellious best, questioning the very foundations of the typical Indian society and what followed was a lot of revelations and some resolutions. What better way to question the ‘typical Indian society’ other than to have a conversation on arranged marriage and love marriage. The current generation is at the verge of a revolution, where they start questioning the established norms of an Indian family. They are only too casual in using the questions ‘What’s wrong with it?’ ‘Why should I do it just because everybody else is doing it?’ and many more. But when you come to think of it, every generation has come through their own rebellious face sometime or the other in their life and later have accepted their ‘fate’ as any ‘law abiding citizen’ might do. But somehow I get the feeling that things are different with this generation (meaning, the young adults of today). The circumstances around them are changing so radically that factors like ‘he/she comes from a good family’, ‘they are rich beyond your wildest imagination’ (had to think twice before including this ;) ) ‘since the family is good the boy/girl is deemed to be the perfect match for us’ have become redundant. Look around you. You will find examples walking out of their door every morning living perfectly normal, respectable lives. And I can assure you, that you might not have thought about ‘what kind of a family he/she comes from’, ‘will he/she be of the same caste and will our horoscopes match?’ etc. The thoughts would be more likely in the lines of (if you are looking for a serious relationship) ‘I wonder if he/she is going out with someone’ OR ‘I wonder if he/she has a respectable job’… the more logical questions.
The reasons for this change? The current generation lives in an India, which is no longer bound by boundaries of language or caste or religion (a very bold statement indeed and it might be too early too). India is undergoing a true ‘Indianisation’ within itself. Meaning, it is moving from a confluence or a collection of states which is bound together by a common constitution and a set of laws, to the true concept of one nation. No matter how hard you deny that this situation never existed, I would urge you to ask yourself. I refrain myself from providing a number of obvious yet disturbing examples to support my point, but I can certainly provide you examples to prove that the situation is changing.
Step out of your front door and you will hear at least 3 different languages than your own. Your neighbor might be an orthodox veggie Gujju girl having a Punjabi boyfriend. The family next door is more likely to a Tam Brahm boy married to a Muslim girl than your normal ‘same caste, same religion, product of arranged marriage’ couple. What do you find in common in all of them? They have fights every single day, throw curses at each and reach for their partners throats with every intention to kill. But then again, look closer. You also find love, respect and adoration. You will find that they love each other for the person they are. After a big fight at night, they still wake up the next morning finding each other attractive. The boy finds the girl so peaceful and innocent in her sleep that he is teleported back to that very moment when he actually fell for her. The girl realizes that it was he and no one else, who stood by her when the entire world was scorning at her. That’s enough to get things back to normal. Of course, I needn’t mention that absolutism is just a myth that exists in an Utopian society. There is also a chance that you might actually wake up one day to find that the Punjabi guy murdered the Gujju girl because he was sick and tired of her orthodox ways and her paneer curries (there is always a possibility you know).
Now look at the other scenario. You find yourself to be the neighbor of the typical arranged marriage family. Highly unlikely to hear any fights. Equally unlikely to hear a hearty laughter as well. No loud music, no passionate voices. All in all, ‘a well behaved’, nonexistent neighbor. When they make their ‘blue moon’ appearance, you are not likely to throw a second ‘curious’ glance at them. The wife is a silent shadow, who does her husband’s bidding to the last syllable and unsurprisingly the husband is your normal chauvinistic moron who has an aura of pride and superiority (for his own personal reasons). The reverse is also quite possible these days, with the kind of ‘women empowerment’ that is going on. Pretensions become the order of the day, simply because they don’t know what his/her partner wants. They are totally confused about each other’s expectations. And by the time they figure some of them out, they already have a couple of kids and they have to think about their future. Where did they live their lives here? In fact most of the arranged marriages survive due to this confusion which is later followed by the resignation to one’s fate. Life is a vicious maze of exceptions and expectations my friends. Though I have travelled through a road and have showed you many sceneries along the way, this is not the only way you have.
The onus lies on you to find your road. The one which you will take for your journey forward. If all that you find is a dusty path to start with, don’t be upset. Just realize that there are many who have started from dead ends and had to build a road out of nowhere, and still others who started perfectly with no bumps at all on the way and fell into a ditch, or (God save their souls) fell off a cliff. But at the end of the day you are never on the losing side. Why? I shall leave that to your (perverted) imagination.
