What Not to Write a Girl the Last Time You See Her

 “A girl can have amazing effects on your priorities. She can have disastrous effects on the choices you make and the way you lead your life. After I shifted to Hyderabad, leaving all that the wonderful Pune had offered and had yet to offer me, I had nothing else in my mind other than to find my own feet and more importantly find myself again. But the thing with life is that it takes you on a wonderful joy ride and then one fine day it shows you the finger and asks you to deal with it. It was something like that when I first met you. There was this girl with eyes so expressive and like diamonds that you would stake all your wealth on them to get another look and hair so smooth and as long as the winter night... with the smile that would melt away the last remnants of anger in your heart caused due to her immense stupidity and stubbornness. But quite frankly, you find a lot of girls like that in this world and a majority of them are sure to turn out to be shallow and (pardon your grace) dumb. Despite these mental cautionary notes, from the moment I met you, something told me that we are gonna be more than just colleagues. But never was I ready to start a serious relationship of any sort for that matter.

The feeling you give to the world: A fun, easy going girl from a well to do family, over cautious about the way you look, giving utmost importance to what people would think about the way you present yourself and absolutely loves to be the center of attraction. It is even reflected in the way you pose for a picture. The way you dress up every day, the way you carry yourself and the funny accent you have when you speak your native tongue, all points to one inescapable fact (if I were to judge you just by your looks) a typical high class girl who worries more about the size of her bosoms and green of her nail polish, than about what goes around her. This thought din't change that much after those long coffees we had during our first days. Your shopaholic nature and craving for horoscope confirmed the ‘Indian version of the dumb blonde’ in you. But it took lesser time and more conversations between us, for me to realize that you were more than just looks, with a deep sense of mystery which if pondered into, would be an utter unnecessary waste of my time. Nevertheless, I was relieved to find out that you were more than just looks. I was actually surprised at the level you confided in me right from the beginning (never realized I had that effect on girls J). But when I sensed that your ‘best friend’ considered it some kind of competition when he saw me with you, I decided to cut down on the talks. Why hurt... or get hurt for that matter.

Every morning you started our conversation with the same question “How do I look?” and every morning I would just smile. Well, here is what I think: You are undoubtedly one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. Stylish, confident and sure of yourself. Wonderful sense of dressing and definitely knows to make a first impression. Personally, I feel you could be on the ‘chubbier’ side of things (if you catch my drift). Will definitely fall in love with your hair at first sight. Eyes say a lot more than your words. Though I have caught a devil’s glimpse, I have not ‘observed’ enough to comment on… you know what all. Have a wholesome laugh, but seldom hear it due to unwanted reservations. Traditional wear suites you more than western clothing. Looks ravishing in saree and open locks. A closer look reveals signs of anorexia. I believe there is a hidden animal in you waiting to pounce, but only in front of the person you trust most. Very curvaceous and even a blind man will admire your beauty. Everyday you look beautiful than the day before and your smile comes as a balm to a troubled soul. Totally unwanted and fruitless boasting, which won't get me anywhere, if you ask me. I hate saying this, but I don’t find the need to comment on something that is as visible as light itself. Besides, you look a darling when irritated. I wouldn’t miss that look on your face for anything.

I wish we could stay in touch, though I know it wouldn’t be possible as ‘karma is a bitch’ and my karma takes me elsewhere and I hate mobile phones. But I shall come to see you when the time is right and when I need those long talks with you. Though it might appear that I am appealing you to mend your ways, I am not asking anything of you as it would be futile. Stay the way you are. You are good that way.

Signing off,

Yours always Unfaithfully…"

# Needless to say this letter IS FICTITIOUS

I am From The 80s and Damn Proud Of It

Yes, I am from the 80’s. I am from that decade when computers were still a baby, mobile phones were still on the design board and cable television in a middle class Indian home was a distant dream. I am from that age when fathers did not ‘send their kids to their room so that they could think about what wrong they had done’, instead, they used to rip off the meanest branch from the nearest guava tree (a rarity today) and let their kids have it so that ‘the wrong’ happened just one time (and later a biryani to remind you of their love). I am from that age when the Sunday evening movie on Doordarshan was the only time a movie was aired on the national television and 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. were the happiest in a kid’s day when they aired Mickey Mouse and Duck Tales on DD2. I am from that age when a kiss from your mother and a smile from your father were the greatest gifts you could get for winning a prize in school. I am from that age where you woke up to a kiss from your mother on your birthday and you dint know the meaning of ‘birthday party’.

I am from that age when mothers had premonitions that their sons would need a good pair of uniform for the annual school day, as they should look their best when collecting an award in front of the whole school. I am from that age when mothers used to spend their Sundays scrubbing off the last ounce of the darkest dirt from their sons’ uniform only to be made dirty on the following Mondays (not because washing machines were not available, but they just couldn’t do their job).

I am from that age where 50 rupees was the greatest luxury a teenager could have. It meant that next week he could actually take an auto home from the nearest bus stop and still afford a snack with his mates after the evening tuition. I am from that age where evening rain in school meant just one thing. Football!!! I am from that age where the first time you get cable television in your home was after the 10^th standard exams. I am from that age where parents are happy with the marks you score and don’t bother about their neighbor’s children’s marks. I am from that age where passing your Physics exam in school meant that you are assured to get more than 80% for the board. I am from that age where a 300ml bottle of Pepsi was sufficient to quench the thirst of 5 friends. I am from that age when a desktop with 6.3GB hard disk and 64MB RAM was the ‘latest model’ you could get in your teens. I am from that age where bicycles were your friend for life and a ride in an auto rickshaw was a luxury you could not afford. I am from that age when a balcony ticket cost you 30 bucks and pop corn just 10.

I am from that age where teens knew the meaning of the words ‘punctuality’ and ‘patience’ because there were no mobile phones to ‘text’ or call someone waiting for you. I am from that age when the first mobile phone you got was during the second year of college and that too the basic set with just calling and texting facilities. I am from that age when you had to rely on YOUR communication skills to find your way to a place and not the GPS on your mobile. I am from that age where you could get enough petrol for 3 days for just 30 rupees and still the bike won't go on reserve. I am from that age when your best friends, including girls, dint give a damn if you wished them for their birthday or not. I am from that age where your friends used to tell you ‘Don’t worry man I got your back’ and they actually meant it. I am from that age when you could tell your friend ‘You are wrong’ and needn’t worry about him misunderstanding your intentions. I am from that age where young adults don’t mind travelling in general compartments of trains and prefer the road side bundy to a star restaurant everyday of the week and twice on a Sunday.

Most importantly, I am from that age which believed and still believes that, ‘Whatever that doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger’. So take caution before messing with me or anyone from the 80s. Yes, I am from the 80s and damn proud of it.